3rd Rock from the Sun: Brains and Eggs

"Our home for this mission is Earth - a third-rate planet. I got a teaching job at a third-rate university. Now we're looking at a third floor apartment."

- Dick Solomon

"Brains and Eggs" is the pilot episode of the comedy television series 3rd Rock from the Sun. Directed by James Burrows and written by Bonnie and Terry Turner, it first aired on NBC on Tuesday, January 9th, 1996. In this episode, four aliens arrive in Rutherford, Ohio. To observe life on Earth, they assume the "human" identities of Dick, Sally, Harry and Tommy Solomon. Dick becomes a physics professor and finds himself strangely attracted to Dr. Mary Albright. Despite Harry and Sally's traumatic cooking experience and Tommy's puberty woes, Dick decides to extend their mission for further "experiments" with Mary.

Synopsis
Four aliens have only recently arrived on Earth as part of a mission to understand this planet's culture. Having assumed human forms, they are now known as the Solomon family. Dick Solomon is the high commander and the father figure of the group. His second-in-command is a strong-willed warrior woman named Sally. Harry Solomon, posing as Dick and Sally's brother is the communications officer and is by far the strangest member of the group. Tommy Solomon, who, in his natural state, is the eldest member of the party, is now cast into the form of a prepubescent youth. He takes up the mantle of Dick's son.

The Solomons sit inside their rambler at lookout point in the city of Rutherford, Ohio listening to a radio broadcast about a woman who believes she had been abducted by aliens who want her eggs. Dick does a cursory analysis of the group to make sure that everyone's forms are accurate; ten fingers, eleven toes. The group takes note of another vehicle next to them where a man and a woman are "cleaning each other" with their tongues. They ponder the notion of imitating this Earth custom.

The Solomons finds boarding in a third-floor attic owned by a landlady named Mrs. Dubcek. The area is not particularly impressive, but the Solomons, not knowing any better, think its wonderful. Dick then begins doling out orders. He assigns Sally the task of finding out what women on Earth "do". Two weeks' worth of time passes and Dick brings Tommy to his new place of employment. He works as a physics professor at a "third-rate university". He assigns Tommy the task of going to the library and downloading their computer mainframe so they can learn more about Earth. Tommy, going through the effects of puberty, is having difficulty concentrating. Dick sends him off.

Dick shares an office with a professor named Doctor Mary Albright. Mary likes Dick, but is having difficulty dealing with the man's aloof behavior. She is frustrated that he has once again parked his car in her parking spot. When Mary tells him that she drives a red Volvo, a look of shock comes over his face and he says, "Please, Doctor Albright! We barely know each other!" To make matters worse, Mary discovers that Dick has unlocked the drawer to her desk and removed her thesis. Dick confesses that he read her work and found it to be brilliant. At first, Mary blushes from the compliment until she learns that Dick finds it to be one of the funniest things he has ever read.

Meanwhile at home, Sally and Harry are trying to prepare a meatloaf. Mrs. Dubcek explains the ingredients, but when Sally learns that she has "dead cow" on her hands, she runs from the room screaming.

Dick meanwhile, teaches his physics class. Due to his alien intelligence, he breezes through the lesson at breakneck speed and none of his students can keep up with him. Turmoil over his recent spat with Mary however, manages to affect his behavior and he takes it out on his class, dismissing the notion of the power of human feelings. One of his students however, counters with the notion that feelings are the core of the human condition. Dick is inspired by the idea and gives the class an assignment to write an essay on feelings. After class, he learns that Dean Sumner is throwing a faculty party and feels that this would present a great opportunity to set things right with Mary. Dick immediately seeks out Tommy and tells him that he is extending their mission by one more day.

When everyone finally gets home, Dick changes his mind again and tells the others that he is going to extend their visit even longer. Sally is particularly distressed by this, fore she has no desire to spend any more time as a woman than she already has. Dick tells the group about the party and says that it will be a great way to develop an understanding of human feelings.

Everyone attends Dean Sumner's party. Sally wears a dress that accentuates her chest, earning considerable stares from several guests. Harry meanwhile, goes straight to the hors d'œuvres. Dick finds Mary and tells her how much he wants to "feel", but moreover, how much he wants to "be felt" in return. Mary is naturally offended by his behavior, but Dick apologizes. He has no idea why he's actually apologizing to her, but admits that doing so makes him feel good. He follows Mary into the bathroom and she begins applying lipstick. This turns Dick on and he grabs her and begins kissing her. Mary slaps him across the face, but then kisses him in return. Misunderstanding the situation, Dick slaps her back, believing that it is part of the mating custom. The two slap each other several more times, but the routine is broken up when they hear a noise coming from the shower. Dick pulls back the curtain where they find Harry, completely dressed and dripping wet holding a flashlight in his hands. He tells Doctor Albright that he was just thinking about her. Offended, Mary storms out of the room. Dick and the others finally leave and Dean Sumner greets them at the door. They say goodbye and Sumner gives Dick a polite peck on the cheek. Dick returns the custom by slapping her across the face then leaves.

Later, the group return to the rambler and look up at the stars and discuss the evening. Dick is completely infatuated with life on Earth. He goes on about how he wants to know everything there is to know about the people of this world and concludes with the statement, "I think this is going to be our greatest mission".

Notes & Trivia

 * This episode has been made available on the 3rd Rock from the Sun: Season One DVD collection.


 * Despite their physical forms, the members of the Solomon family are actually of ages counter to what they appear to be. Tommy, though he assumes the form of a child, is actually the oldest of the group. Sally, while very much a female on Earth, demonstrates extremely male character traits due to the fact that she is actually male (or the closest equivilant there of per her race).


 * This episode also demonstrates that the Solomons possess the ability to telepathically communicate with one another, though this is seldom shown in future episodes.

Quotes
"Is anyone else sweating under their breasts?"

- Sally Solomon

"Well, Mrs. Dubcek, I could stand here and chew your fat all day, but time has no manners, bye now."

- Dick Solomon

"I must admit when I first met you I was attracted to your flamboyant nature and big head."

- Mary Albright

"This is a small office and you are behaving like a big hose-monkey!"

- Mary Albright

"Women. You can't live with them, and yet... they're everywhere."

- Harry Solomon

"Leon, of course it's wrong! The odds against you're being right are... staggering! You have a great advantage, you know the outcome. You will be wrong. Don't fear it, embrace your wrongness!"

- Dick Solomon

"Mrs. Solomon is no longer with us. She uh... burned up on re-entry."

- Dick Solomon