User:Brian Kurtz/Sandbox

Police detective Richard Dix is on his way to the office when he fields a call about a hostage situation taking place at Big Joe's fast food outlet. He pulls up in his Volkswagen Beetle, slamming into a pole holding up the Big Joe's sign. He goes inside to clear up the matter, but mistakes the hostages for the terrorists and vice versa. The polce that he slammed into eventually crashes down through the ceiling and the police waiting outside behind a barricade fire tear gas into the building. Feeling as if the situation is well in hand, Dix continues on to the precinct.

He meets with Police Chief Halvorsen who introduces him to Cassandra Menage, the woman in charge of Human/Alien Affairs. Dix respects the woman's position, feeling as if affairs between humans and aliens is a distasteful practice at best. After correcting him on the proper definition of "alien" (in this case, they are talking about actual extraterrestrials), they tell Dix about a problem that they are having with the Vegan outpost located on Earth's moon. Menage explains that the administrator of the station, Doctor Griffith Pratt, has abducted the President of the United States and replaced him with a clone. Dix is to go to Vegan under the pretense of being an inspector and get to the truth of the matter.

The shuttle trip to Vegan proves very trying for Dix as he has difficulty dealing with the artificial gravity. A flight attendant serves drinks and her skirts blows up from a floor fan, revealing her bare bottom. A voice over the intercom system warns the passengers that the artificial gravity may cause hallucinations. Dix gets up to avail himself of the restroom just as the artificial gravity is switched off.

He finally gets to the Starport on Vegan and is taken aback as he sees a menagerie of strange aliens crowding the bustling terminal. He is then greeted by the port's chief of security, Lieutenant Bradford Shitzu. Shitzu shows him around and introduces him to a French-speaking officer named Captain Valentino Di Pasquale. Dix has trouble prounouncing the man's name and assumes that he is speaking in an extraterrestrial toungue.

Shitzu brings Dix to see the station's scientific administrator, Doctor Griffin Pratt. Dix tells Pratt that he is only on Vegan as part of a routine inspection. Pratt shows Dix a scale model replica he made of the entire facility and introduces him to his assistant, Yetta Pussel. He then brings Dix to the underground laboratory facility where he shows him their experiments with silicon and presents him to his sensior base Science Officer, Uschi Künstler. Künstler shows Dix around the laboratory and tells them about the experiments they have been conducting on genetic replication. Her work has primarily been used to clone rabbits and sheep. Uschi and Dix leave the lab to go meet Cassandra Menage, who is working undercover as well. Menage finds the two of them in a compromising position in the elevator.

That evening, Dix attends a social gathering hosted by Doctor Griffin Pratt. While bumbling about between the various guests, both alien and human, Dix accidentally flings a piece of strange, slimy food that hits Pratt in the back of the head. Dix tries to discretely remove the food particles only to find that Pratt is wearing a hairpiece. The hairpiece comes flying off and makes its way around the room several times, before finally returning to it's rightful owner.

As the night wears on, Dix is shown to his quarters. He is sharing a room with Captain Valentino Di Pasquale. Pasquale is eager to help Dix with his case, and professes to being a master of disguise. After entertaining Pasquale's nuances for a bit, Dix goes off to find evidence of Vegan's secret human cloning laboratories.

He sneaks into Pratt's office and tries to find a full layout of the facility. Bumbling about, he trips over himself several times, smearing paint all across Pratt's bearskin rug and destroying his scale model of the base in the process. He eventually manages to get out of the office undiscovered, but when Pratt and Künstler enter the room, they find the place in shambles. Pratt is outraged and knows that Dix is behind it. He goes to his quarters to confront him, but Richard accidentally smears shaving cream and paint all over him. Pratt growls at him and says that he knows who he is, and that he will never find "him".

That evening, Richard Dix goes to another party being held at a night club. He meets up with Shitzu and Pasquale and tells them to keep an eye on Doctor Pratt, but the French security captain is more preoccupied with finding an available restroom than anything else. Cassandra Menage provides the entertainment for the evening by getting on stage and performing her rendition of KC and the Sunshine Band's 1975 disco anthem "Get Down Tonight". For the first time since meeting her, Dix now feels strangely attracted to Menage. As dancers continue moving about, one of them spills a drink onto Lieutenant Shitzu. Sparks begin crackling all about him and his head telescopes from his body like a Jack-in-the-Box. Dix now realizes that Shitzu is actually a cyborg.